G is for Going to the Trafford Centre

by Mr Uku

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When it comes to procrastination, I think we can all agree there’s no better way to avoid writing than by running away. So on Sunday, I ran (was driven) to the Trafford Centre.

I bloody love the Trafford Centre.  I never really buy anything when I’m there which makes people wonder why I bother. Those people are fools. The Trafford Centre has much to offer the escapee writer. Let’s see what a typical visit is like:

It all starts with Mr Harper and whatever car he’s driving this week (It was a green one on Sunday). We make our way down the motorway discussing our latest escapades and projects and generally catch up. Then we talk about the latest gadgets and why I still don’t have an iPad.

Once on the motorway, we read the signs (my favourite read, this sign is not in use) and the various logos on the sides of trucks. Occasionally we wave at the people in the other cars.

Soon we are almost at the Trafford Centre and it’s time to miss our turning, forcing us to carry on to the next junction where we can turn around and try again.

We try again.

We wave at the policeman who we passed the first time around and finally make our way to the Trafford car park.

Now is the time to drive round and round and round and round looking for a space. We like to go the wrong way round the car-park so we can glare at those people who like to go the correct way round. Occasionally we stop to admire a particularly nice car.

Once we find a nice spot, we can alight from the vehicle and head for the centre proper.

Our first decision is whether to eat first. The answer is usually yes so we head to the food court. Then we uhm and ahh over what to have. Mostly we go to Harry Ramsden’s for the large haddock and chips because we’re not stupid.

Once served, we find a space to sit and eat and discuss more things of a gadgety nature. I suggest several websites for Mr Harper to check out, and he says he will. I know he won’t and secretly plan to send him an email full of links when I get home. He secretly knows this and plans to ignore my email.

Next comes the discussion of whether the chips this week were as good as the chips we had last time. The fish is always good and needs no such discussion except for that one time when they only had pollock.

Now we are full of fish and chips it’s time to strut our stuff around the shops.  Since we’re downstairs, we go first to Waterstone’s to browse the books and see how attractive the staff are. Then it’s  Game and WH Smith where we Mr Harper peruses the model aeroplane magazines and I look through The Chap and various tattoo magazines. I have a quick laugh at the headlines on the poultry, horse and cat magazines and a quick giggle at the photos in the tractor periodicals. Then we push on.

Making our way upstairs we now spend too much time in the model shop looking at the Airfix kits and the Scalextric cars. I have a look at the Rourke’s Drift diorama figures while Mr Harper enjoys anything Star Wars related.

Satisfied, we head on past Mango where we do the traditional Mango joke – Mango. Man come back again – and we have a jolly good laugh. Then it’s the Apple store, HMV and back downstairs.

Sounds pointless but there’s a lot of pretty ladies to see so we have to take our time.

You might be wondering why there’s not much money being spent. It’s a toughy that’s for sure. I once went with £300 in my pocket. I came home with a Simpsons novelty clock. It cost £20. I don’t know why I bought it.

Our journey of discovery over, we go to the Krispy Kreme drive-thru to buy several donuts. Some we eat there, some we bring home. We mull over how funny it would be to go to the Starbucks drive-thru opposite and ask for a cup of tea. Then we head home.

And that’s why I did no writing yesterday. I could have done some when I got home but I was too tired and too full of fish.

I wonder what H is for.

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{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

Marisa (@marisabirns) April 8, 2013 at 3:30 pm

It’s the donuts that caused your tiredness. You and Mr. Harper are too much. (American phrase meaning zany, funny).

H will be for how sad non-girlfriend is to be left out of such shenanigans.

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Mr Uku April 8, 2013 at 4:44 pm

We are awesome (English phase meaning, we are awesome) and Not-Girlfriend is always there in spirit. In fact she rang while we were there on Sunday to chastise Mr Harper for not bringing a box of Taytos crisps for her from his latest trip to that Ireland. Mr Harper blamed me for not telling him to bring them. I kept quiet and ate my donut.

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