New Year: Resolutions & Wishes

by Mr Uku

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It’s New Year’s Eve and will soon be 2013.

2013!

How the fuck did that happen? Last thing I remember was getting drunk, eating cheese and complaining about the weather. Suddenly it’s the new year and I don’t appear to have achieved anything. Again.

Oh well, maybe 2013 will be different. Maybe I’ll finally get an iPad. Maybe the world will change. Maybe I should make a couple of lists, as indicated by the title of this blog post. Maybe I should just get on with it.

So, OK, here is my list of New Year Wishes:

  1. I want every politician and religious nut in the world to accept the simple fact that we are now living in the 21st century. We are not, NOT, living in the fucking middle ages. All people have the same rights, not just white heterosexual males, ALL PEOPLE. Got it? Good.
  2. Religious types, it’s time to accept that your beliefs are your beliefs and shouldn’t affect anyone else. If they do, well you’re doing it wrong and by your own religion’s logic you ain’t getting into heaven or whatever your equivalent is. I’m not religious but I did go to Sunday school and I learnt that the message (the same basic message of all religions) is short and simple despite the length of most holy books. And the message is this: Be excellent to each other. Sadly most religious types can’t seem to get that right. It’s time to change. Note also that being nice to people so you’ll get into heaven is dumb. Be nice to each other because it’s just the right thing to do.
  3. Politicians, you fools need to realise that most people don’t care about your political party or your ideology. Most people just want you to not be such twats. Most people just want you to start looking after the people who live and work in your country. Most people don’t want laws passing that make life easier for you and your rich mates and the corporations they own to screw us over. Your job as a politician is to help the people, it is not to help yourself and your rich mates get slightly richer at the expense of people’s lives and livelihoods. Sort it the fuck out you morons.
  4. Marketers and advertisers, if you need to trick people into looking at your product, that isn’t a good thing. We realise that you won’t be happy until you’ve developed a device that floats in front of peoples faces and shows adverts 24 hours a day so they can’t possibly get away from them. But you need to understand that this will result in you all being rounded up and marched into the sea to great cheers. If people don’t want to see your shitty ads then you should just accept it and move on. Coming up with “clever” ways to trick us or make us watch your ads does not endear us to your product. It just pisses us off.
  5. TV stations, the above goes for you idiots too. Advertising the next shows during a show that is still playing is just ignorant. Stop it. Every TV in the country has a TV guide these days. We know what’s on next. We’ve already planned our days viewing. Interrupting a show I’m watching to tell me what’s on next doesn’t encourage me to stay on your channel, it ensures I leave it at the next opportunity. You might make your money from advertisers, but if you dickheads can’t understand that without us viewers you have no business, you should probably find a new line of work.

I’m sure there’s more, but I want to save something to moan about in the new year. Tomorrow, I’ll list my resolutions and then promptly forget them. Should be fun.

For now, have a happy New Year everyone.

Drink well, sleep long and dream of kittens.

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{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }

Pete December 31, 2012 at 2:47 pm

Amen to all of the above.

Reply

Mr Uku December 31, 2012 at 2:53 pm

Hooray!
Bring on the booze 🙂

Reply

Bridget December 31, 2012 at 2:54 pm

Well said, sir!

Reply

Mr Uku December 31, 2012 at 2:59 pm

Glad you like it.

Reply

Nettie December 31, 2012 at 2:54 pm

Gary for Prime Minister!
And may I dream of poodles instead…?

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Mr Uku December 31, 2012 at 2:58 pm

No. It’s kittens all the way down.

Reply

leslie (crookedstamper) January 1, 2013 at 12:44 pm

OMGosh, YES! Well done!

Reply

Mr Uku January 1, 2013 at 12:51 pm

TA 🙂

Reply

Gary October 14, 2014 at 7:38 pm

Agreed,on all of the above mentions,well said,so fuck em all

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