Sometime before 3pm a week on Wednesday there will be a knock at your door. Upon opening it you will be face to face with Bingo Brenda, the blind caller at the local Palais. She’ll be waving an odd looking fish at you and will tell you that as of next Tuesday she’ll have a new job as a Punch & Judy professor and needs your help on account of your tiny, tiny hands. Intrigued, you’ll tell her to knob off but having been slapped several times with the fish you’ll follow her to the beach where, Professor Brenda, has her theatre set up.
Fish still in hand and smoking a rollup filled with dried seaweed; Brenda will explain that as she’s blind she’ll need you to help with the puppets. The fish is to be a character in a new version of the Punch & Judy tale she claims to have written with its help. Every now and then Brenda will take the fish over to the sea to confirm things with its relatives who she says have been helping with the script.
Now wearing a seaweed wig, Brenda will blow smoke in your face and as you start to feel drowsy form the effects she’ll finally take you into the back of the theatre where you are quite disturbed to find several corpses hanging on the puppet hooks. Through the smoky seaweed haze Brenda will explain that you are to be the new fishmonger puppet and before you can say, “That’s the way to do it!” your pants will be round your ankles.
You will be found a week later hanging from one of the puppet hooks, having died from massive rectal trauma.
Your lucky colour is sea green. Your lucky number is of no use to you.
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