Poetry
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Gabriella Evans
Read more: Gabriella EvansHere’s another from my short lived A-Z of death. Still part of the Crosses For Eyes collection though. For those who might not know, a po is what we used to call a potty. It was also known as a Guzundah, because it guzundah the bed. Used when most people didn’t have inside toilets and…
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My Purple Cupboard
Read more: My Purple CupboardWe all have one of those cupboards, sometimes it’s a drawer, where you keep all the weird stuff that you can’t find room for anywhere else. My cupboard is purple and it’s full of all kind of fun things. To keep them hidden and undiscovered I hide my secrets in my purple cupboard There’s a…
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Neighbours
Read more: NeighboursAfter yesterday’s post I thought I’d lighten the mood with a song. I was watching The Sound of Music recently and found myself singing along with, “My Favourite Things”. Of course I don’t know the actual words so I made up my own. I’m not sure I got it quite right to fit with the…
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The Babysitter’s Lament
Read more: The Babysitter’s LamentAn extra dark one for today’s Crosses For Eyes entry. In fact, it’s probably my only pome that comes with a trigger warning, so don’t say you weren’t warned. It was inspired by a story I started writing about a little girl who, being unhappy about having a new family thrust upon her, decides to…
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Spiders
Read more: SpidersWho doesn’t like spiders? So cute. So cuddly. So many legs. So much scurrying. But no matter what you think of spiders, you should never step on one. Never step on a spider. It’s the worst thing you can do. Because if you step on a spider The spiders will come for you. They’ll sneak…
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Douglas Turvey
Read more: Douglas TurveyCrashing on with my hilarious death pomes. Here is a cautionary tale. Not quite as long as one of Beloc’s but still. Douglas Turvey liked to run With scissors in his hand. His mother didn’t like it And told him he was banned. If mother didn’t see him There was nothing she could say. So…
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Freddy Farrington
Read more: Freddy FarringtonYou might notice that some of these latest poems appear to be in alphabetical order. This is because I wrote them that way. They were originally written for an A-Z project and I just kind of fell into my usual m ode of writing about death. This one is also about science though, so that’s…
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Pretty little Evadne Myers
Read more: Pretty little Evadne MyersThis pome was very much inspired by Harry Graham’s rotten rhymes. He wrote some great ones which can be found in his collection, When Grandmama Fell Off The Boat. Graham’s rotten rhymes concern death and tragedy with a lack of caring bordering on callousness that just makes me laugh. Anyway, here’s my effort: Pretty little…
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Crosses For Eyes
Read more: Crosses For EyesI have noticed that I tend to write my pomes to a theme. It never started out that way. But I found that I really like the pomes of Harry Graham (Rotten Rhymes) and Hilaire Belloc (Cautionary Tales) as well as people like Edward Gorey (The Gashlycrumb Tinies). And I’ve always been a fan of…
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More Filth. Not Sorry
Read more: More Filth. Not SorrySince I have nothing better to do, I thought I’d indulge myself and share yet more filth with you. I really wish I had a better Idea of what to do with this stuff. But better here where they can be seen than hidden away until after my death when they are found by someone…
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Horace Hobbs
Read more: Horace HobbsToday, I am feeling sad. So here is a sad poem about Horace Hobbs. On Monday Horace Hobbs felt sad On Tuesday he felt worse “The world’s a rotten place,” he said, “And everything is cursed.” On Wednesday and on Thursday Horace failed to improve He lay there being miserable And simply would not move.…
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Some Limericks
Read more: Some LimericksI have a theory about limericks and it’s this: While Edward Lear certainly didn’t invent them, he did popularise them. And he did that by being so spectacularly bad at them that the whole world said in one voice, “I can do better than that!” And then they did. I wonder if Lear was trying…
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National Paperclip Day
Read more: National Paperclip DayYes, it’s National Paperclip Day. No, really. So I did that poem above and for the sake of SEO or something, here it is again in text form. You’re welcome. Pretty little curvy thingShiny as can beKeeping all my papersIn a tidy stack for me How I love the way youGently grip my sheetsHolding them…
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We Are Pigeons
Read more: We Are PigeonsHere we comeWalking down the streetGive the evil eyeTo everyone we meetIn single fileDown the middle of the roadTaking what we wantAnd what is owedNever flyWhen we can walkMake all the womenStop and gawkStrutting our stuffPuffing out our chestsWe’re not flying ratsAnd we’re not pests Hey hey, we’re The PigeonsAnd if you come onto our…
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Is There Cheese There?
Read more: Is There Cheese There?The fridge was quite empty, the cupboard was bareThe space where my cheese was, was now filled with airNo Cheddar, no Stilton, no Edam, no BrieIt was a Wensleydale fail, no cheeses for me My evening was ruined, I hated my lifeNo cheeses, just cheese board and little cheese knifeThey looked so bereft with no…
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Jenny Hodges as read by Fancy Buttons
Read more: Jenny Hodges as read by Fancy ButtonsAs it’s Halloween, I thought I’d do you a creepy poem. Then I thought I’d get Mr Fancy Buttons to record it. Then I thought I’d better put it all on the website along with the creepy illustration at the top of the page. So here it is: Jenny Hodges as read by Fancy Buttons…
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And then it all went wrong
Read more: And then it all went wrongI thought I should maybe probably write a little post to cover my tracks. You’ve probably noticed that after only a few weeks of the poetry challenge, I gave up. Well, there’s a good reason for that, I gave up cos I’m shit. You see, my plan was to read the week’s theme on a…
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Week 5 – My Cat’s A Wanker
Read more: Week 5 – My Cat’s A WankerWell this poetry thing isn’t going well at all. I’m a week behind and only coming up with partial works. Still, I might as well post what I’ve done, if for no other reason than to show that I’ve not just given up. So here’s this week’s. Or is it last weeks? Anyway, the theme…
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Week 4 – D’ya Wanna?
Read more: Week 4 – D’ya Wanna?This week’s theme was, an invitation. It could be any kind of invitation and at first I thought I’d do one called, Come to the Orgy. I got as far as Come to the orgy We can have such fun You can take me in the kitchen And I’ll do you up the…. And then…
